billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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