I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
