Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
