im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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