I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
