Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
