I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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