hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
