he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
