So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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