i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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