I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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