there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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