bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
