am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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