I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
