He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
