haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
