How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In America we eat man semen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
