Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
