i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
