Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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