My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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