It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
