Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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