When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
