After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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