Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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