I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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