I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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