Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
