If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
