Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
