Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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