I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
