woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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