They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
