Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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