U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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