I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
