I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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