I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
