i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
