I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
