They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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