please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
