Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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