all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
