Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
