Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
