Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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