you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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