I have demons in me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
